Fun Quotes Book

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.

There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation.

Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting.

Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Adults complaining about the younger generation are really just saying their generation did a shitty job raising their kids.

To be on foot in the United States is only immoral, not illegal

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it.

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.

Lies are like children. If you don't nurture them, they'll never be useful later.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.

The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.

With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

You can’t have a light without a dark to stick it in.

I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Home is where the heart is, so your real home's in your chest.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.

Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there.

A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.

Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.

Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.

You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.

There is a rumor going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

To be willing to die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't.

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.

Ah! Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle!

Adventure is just bad planning.

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Finally! Here is a guide to what a woman really means when she says shit like “Fine” and “Nothing”. Where was this shit when I was married? Keywords and their meanings: "Fine": This word is used at the end of any argument that the woman feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. "Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade. "Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine" . "Go Ahead" (raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that w...

Isn’t it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?

I dote on his very absence.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

Today’s public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can’t read them either.

Nothing like a lot of exercise to make you realize you’d rather be lazy and dead sooner.

Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.

The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.

Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them.

Journalism largely consists of saying ‘Lord Jones is Dead’ to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

Never tell anyone that you’re writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They’ll encourage you to death.

The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.