Fun Quotes Book

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.

Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.

It’s not a matter of whether or not someone’s watching over you. It’s just a question of their intentions.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.

A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.

When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

I married beneath me. All women do.

We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly.

In the past decade or so, the women’s magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home.

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, ‘She doesn’t have what it takes.’ They will say, ‘Women don’t have what it takes.’

A man’s women folk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity. His most gaudy sayings and doings seldom deceive them; they see the actual man within, and know him for a shallow and pathetic fellow. In this fact, perhaps, lies one of the best proofs of feminine intelligence, or, as the common phrase makes it, feminine intuition.

You know, women always could endure more than men. Not only physically, but mentally - did you ever get a peek at some of the husbands?

Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.