Fun Quotes Book

So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.

Walking isn’t a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex—but Congress can.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.

Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death.

The world is round; it has no point.

Television is a new medium. It’s called a medium because nothing is well-done.

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter-he’s got to just know.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

To err is human—and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, ‘Let there be light!’ And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English — up to fifty words used in correct context — no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothin’ can beat teamwork.

The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself.

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, “I wanna grow up and be a critic.”

No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money.

Two people can keep a secret, but only if one of them is dead.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?