Fun Quotes Book

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Someday we’ll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.

A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.

If you torture data sufficiently, it will confess to almost anything

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don’t like their jobs, they don’t go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American Way.

Three little sentences will get you through life. Number one: Cover for me. Number two: Oh, good idea, boss. Number three: It was like that when I got here.

Sometime they’ll give a war and nobody will come.