Showing posts from April, 2014

Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."

Tennessee Williams

A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.

Fran Lebowitz

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Anatole France

An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

Will Rogers

There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.

Chuck Lorre

Ah! Memory impairment: the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle!

Roald Amundsen

Adventure is just bad planning.

Marcus Brigstocke

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.

George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Women Speak

Finally! Here is a guide to what a woman really means when she says shit like “Fine” and “Nothing”. Where was this shit when I was married?

Keywords and their meanings:

"Fine": This word is used at the end of any argument that the woman feels she is right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman…