Fun Quotes Book

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.

Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be religious people.

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.

Going to church doesn’t make you a christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.

Because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us.

You’ll always feel good about your body when you go there — no matter what your body is — because there’s always someone there who weighs 350 pounds more than you’ll ever weigh.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.