Fun Quotes Book

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Growing old is inevitable, growing UP is optional.

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is PARENTS.

If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent

The difference between science and magic is that magicians usually know what they’re doing

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.

There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they’re cramming for their final exam.

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

I' m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.

There hasn’t been a child born yet, good enough so his parents weren’t glad when he fell asleep.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Why do writers write? Because it isn’t there.