Fun Quotes Book

We’re not lost. We’re locationally challenged.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man’s being unable to sit still in a room.

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still, nine cases out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Why do you have a hot water heater when you don’t need to heat hot water?

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways.

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

He’s like, ‘Hey, man, where are you from?’ So I told him, ‘I’m from Queens, New York.’ And then he’s like, ‘No, I mean where are you really from?’ Which, for those of you who don’t know, that’s code for, ‘No, I mean, why aren’t you white?’

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

When nothing goes right, go left.

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.

I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained.

Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there.