To be amused by what you read—that is the great spring of happy quotations.
It takes the patience of a saint to love a geek
Geeks, nerds, dorks, and gadget-obsessed folks can be tough to love because we’re prone to awkward, silly, or stupid behavior. Occasionally we get lucky though and find a gem—like Gizmodo commenter Ding-Dang’s wife—who’ll put up with all that. Ding-Dang’s story feels like something that could happen to any of us and I can almost feel the guilt and shame that he must’ve experienced in the moment that he was caught in a compromising position. But I have to say that he is one lucky man for having a wife who, despite not understanding his behavior entirely, tolerates it:
Last night after my wife went upstairs to go to bed, I decided to take apart our one-year-old plasma TV. I had read that by turning Voltage Regulation pot down, it would make my black levels better. The person who wrote the tip on AVSForum said, “I believe there is a safety risk involved with doing this as it involves removing the rear cover, exposing high voltages and risking electrocution.” After reading that, I knew I had to do it. I pulled the TV off of its pedestal and propped it up against the couch. My hands shook as I removed 30-plus screws from the back of the TV. I pulled the back cover off. At that moment, my wife sauntered downstairs to see random tools on the floor, various screws and bolts, and her husband in his boxers working on her TV which was now in pieces strew about the floor. I felt like I got caught cheating on her. She said not a word. Turned around and went back upstairs. She just gave me a look that women give you when they realize it’s partly their fault for marrying a weirdo. I tried to say something but no words came. That’s God’s way of saying, “Shut-up, boy. When have your words ever helped you in a situation?” When she left, I did what I needed to do and closed the TV back up. It worked perfectly. My wife hasn’t even bothered to thank me for reducing our black levels by 20%, which is barely visible to even the most discerning eye. One really needs a spectrometer to see the real difference. Still. A ‘thank you’ would be nice. I will never cheat again.
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there. Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ? he said. “No, sir,” said Mort. Fᴀᴍᴏᴜs sʜɪᴘᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ. “Was there?” Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ, said Death, ɪғ I ᴄᴀɴ ғɪɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍɴ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ.
The anthropologists got it wrong when they named our species Homo sapiens ('wise man'). In any case it's an arrogant and bigheaded thing to say, wisdom being one of our least evident features. In reality, we are Pan narrans, the storytelling chimpanzee.