Fun Quotes Book

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.