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Showing posts from 2013

Alvin Toffler

Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.

Dorothy Parker

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Bethania McKenstry

I’m not sure I want popular opinion on my side — I’ve noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.

Will Durst

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

G. K. Chesterton

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.

Thomas Sowell

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth—anonymously and posthumously.

Robert Anthony

Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable than risk being happy.

Dame Edith Sitwell

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

Samuel Butler

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Alfred Toynbee

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

Douglas Adams

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.

Robert Heinlein

Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.

John Ruskin

Every increased possession loads us with new weariness.

Eric Ambler

For the skeptic there remains only one consolation: if there should be such a thing as superhuman law it is administered with subhuman inefficiency.

Rita Rudner

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Laurence J. Peter

America is a country that doesn’t know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.

Adrian Mitchell

Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.

Oscar Wilde

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

P. G. Wodehouse

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

Alan Dean Foster

Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.

Buzz Aldrin

I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Bill Watterson

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.

George Bernard Shaw

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

Henri-Frédéric Amiel

A belief is not true because it is useful

Ernest Hemingway

Never confuse movement with action.

Robert Frost

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

Jack Handey

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

Matt Frewer

Never knock on Death’s door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!

Henry Cate VII

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

Dame Rose Macaulay

It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them.

Yogi Berra

This is like deja vu all over again.

Bernard M. Baruch

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Anon

Being an atheist is like being the only sober person in the car – and no one will let you drive.

Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.

Philip K. Dick

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.

H. L. Mencken

To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!

Douglas Adams

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.

Lois McMaster Bujold

The will to be stupid is a very powerful force, but there are always alternatives.

Evelle J. Younger

An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.

Mitch Hedberg

I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.

Charles Bukowski

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.

Norman Mailer

Sentimentality is the emotional promiscuity of those who have no sentiment.

The Relativity of Wrong

John, when people thought the Earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the Earth was spherical, they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the Earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the Earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together.
Asimov to John Campbell

Thomas H. Huxley

Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the latter only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman’s cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club.

Mark Twain

Never learn to do anything: if you don’t learn, you’ll always find someone else to do it for you.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born.

George Carlin

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Logan Pearsall Smith

The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of their blood.

Quentin Crisp

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.

Herm Albright

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Elbert Hubbard

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.

Mark Twain

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Doris Day

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.

Ron Nesen

Nobody believes the official spokesman… but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

Jerome K. Jerome

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

Carl Sagan

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

John H. Patterson

An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.

Anon

Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn’t seem to be working.

Abraham Lincoln

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

Robertson Davies

A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life.

Harry S. Truman

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.

Douglas Adams

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

William H. Mauldin

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.

Doug Larson

The cat could very well be man’s best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Paul Eldridge

Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him.

Galileo Galilei

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

Arthur Brisbane

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

Ronnie Shakes

I like life. It’s something to do.

Jeanette Rankin

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Cato the Elder

After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Edith Sitwell

The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth.

Arthur C. Clarke

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.

Sidney J. Harris

The time to relax is — when you don’t have time for it.

Calvin Trillin

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

Doug Larson

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

Anon

It’s the great injustice of the atheist position: if we’re wrong about the afterlife, the rest of you have all of eternity to rub our noses in it; but if we’re right, no one will ever know.

George Bernard Shaw

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

Doctor Who

There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.

Sinclair Lewis

Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.