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Showing posts from July, 2012

James Thurber

I hate women because they always know where things are.

George Bernard Shaw

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.

Konrad Lorenz

It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.

Bill Watterson

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

Thomas Hardy

A man’s silence is wonderful to listen to.

David Sedaris

I haven’t the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

Joseph Heller

The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed, no matter which side he’s on.

Mitch Hedberg

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Bill Cosby

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn’t met me yet.

Le Rochefoucauld

An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set a bad example.

Oscar Wilde

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.