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Showing posts from September, 2009

Wilson Mizner

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

Anon

Growing old is inevitable, growing UP is optional.

John J.Plomp

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is PARENTS.

Paul Beatty

If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

Mark Twain

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Vilhjalmur Stefansson

What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.

Jane Caminos

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

John Maynard Keynes

The market can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent

Ashleigh Brilliant

The difference between science and magic is that magicians usually know what they’re doing

Aeschylus

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Sir Winston Churchill

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.

Alfred Korzybski

There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.

Russel Lynes

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Alan Corenk

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.

George Bernard Shaw

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Douglas Adams

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Richard Bach

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

George Carlin

Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!

George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

George Carlin

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they’re cramming for their final exam.

George Carlin

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Scott Adams

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

George Carlin

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.

Anon

There hasn’t been a child born yet, good enough so his parents weren’t glad when he fell asleep.

Abba Eban

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Bertrand Russell

The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.

Evan Esar

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

Henry Adams

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

Mickey Mantle

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Thomas Berger

Why do writers write? Because it isn’t there.